From darkness sprung to light returned. Yet light was never known before, for light was night and dark the grave. So now, in rising from the grave, I find the dawn has burst its golden rays across my world, and all I once knew is not as I had known.
The shadows haunting depths are naught but richer places for light to seek. The once morose and somber grove now spreads its emerald limbs in welcoming, cool, mossy glades where golden beams dance like fireflies.
I see colors that now transfix my frantic eyes in hues of rainbow light. They pain my eyes, which once knew only the dark of night — the blue of shadows cast by cold bright stars and waning moon.
Ah, the moon… What tender glances once you cast to guide my weary feet. Your constant ebb and flow lit in silver shades the foggy path through wasted lands. Forget me not, yet let me go to lands of light!
Let darkness of our past and ache of of grieving dreams remind us ever of the light we now embrace! May we accept the light as fully as we did the night, each moment filled to brilliant height, where endless dance the golden songs and fair the hands that lead us on.
Within a year of starting life anew, I found three things that really helped to boost my confidence, set me apart, and open my heart to new possibilities. My life had been carefully guided by strict rules, most of which were unspoken—how I dressed, what I could believe, and how I should behave. Living within this box, I could not see it as a box. It was the safe and proper place to be, and to go outside was to lose my soul to the devil.
So without further ado, here are the top 3 tips I have after one year into my new life. And if you are divergent like me, I am sure you will find something that speaks to you!
Wool is my magic!
Fashion
We’ve all heard of “power dressing” or using colors to promote ourselves at a job interview. There are endless studies, analyses, and courses around fashion and clothing. I have done a deep dive into this wild realm myself, and what did I learn?
I found that my Kibbe or Kitchener types were stifling my creativity. Color analysis was interesting, but I fit into several seasons! I began to explore outside their recommendations, taking with me ideas and suggestions. And this is what it distilled down to:
Find 3 words you want to be / what your ideal image of yourself looks like. Go big! Go wild! Really stretch your dreams here!
Try things way out of your comfort zone: Yes, WAY out there!!!
Find a style that supports your authenticity and what you feel best in. The go-to’s. The always-yes’s!
These three simple steps were a life-changer!
Magic 3 Words!
I spent many hours pondering over and imagining what my dream self looked like until the strong, classy, ethereal, wise, timeless woman I saw was perfect! From this image I picked my magic 3 words: timeless, comfortable, expressive. Of course, these are ever-changing and improving as I learn more about myself but these gave me a starting point.
Breaking the Comfort Zone
The second step was the explorative phase. Growing up, I only wore skirts and long sleeves, but I had a desire for fashion even then. In my attempts to rebel, I lived in floral boho skirts, striped/checked shirts, and the brightest colors I could get my hands on. I mortified my sister as I paraded through town in this foppery.
So, as I searched for the new me, I looked to the things I had never dared think to wear: skinny jeans, shorts, tank tops, modern styles. I found free, yard sale, and thrifted clothes in every style and texture. Did I look silly? Definitely! Was I uncomfortable? Occasionally! But I learned so much.
Honing My Style
As I went through new styles, I noted the items I returned to on a daily basis and incorporated my words to tune into what I was seeking. The dress—I loved the fit but hated the texture. The shirt—so comfy but not timeless. And the pants I could wear all day any day! Give yourself permission to be picky! You only like linen? Great, only wear linen. I honed in on my style this way and created a closet that matched my dream. And why is this so important?
I found a secret: If I was wearing something that matched my magic words, was the right material and fit, I felt like that amazing woman I saw in my imagination! It took time, trial, and error. But now I have a closet that’s got my back (pun intended). Each morning I look forward to getting dressed—and that creates a boost of motivation and confidence every day.
Tea Tip
You have the freedom to wear what uplifts your spirit and brings your dreams to life. Because what you wear changes how confident you feel, and how confident you are changes how comfortable you are being authentic—and how authentic you are brings your dreams into reality! (More on authenticity here!)
If you have to talk yourself into it, it’s a no.
The Absolute YES
If it’s not an absolute yes, don’t do it.
That’s it. A very simple idea…
Take a moment right now and think of one time when you said yes to something. And that yes was all in. Every ounce of you was like YES—there were no hesitations, no qualms… got it? That is an absolute yes.
Of course, we have work, school, and lives that require a certain amount of tenacity and effort. But with the rule of absolute yes, making the small decisions on your path is so much clearer! If there are any reservations or hesitations—it’s a no.
Buy the car? Well, the mileage is not the best… NO. Should you make the trip? ummmm…. No.
Friend wants me over for dinner… I’m tired but I should probably go… No!
The what-ifs may follow, but trusting that absolute will bring rewards. And remember no matter your decision there are always what-ifs!
This lesson was really a twist on learning to say no. Learning to say no strengthens your trust in yourself and creates boundaries to keep you healthy. But saying no is hard… Only saying yes to the things that are fully and truly yes is a tad easier.
Tea Tip
When you live honoring the closeness and uncertainty of life, you begin to realize that there is a limit to the years. Why spend those on things you would rather not be doing? How many years have we worked away dreaming of the future—until that future comes and we look back and see a life wasted away wishing we had done something else, gone on that trip, or accepted the crazy job opportunity?
Let’s not get to granny age and regret our choices. Trust the absolute yes! Trust yourself to tell you what is right! Accept the changes and grow with the storms!
Give Yourself Permission to Enjoy Life
The battle goes unseen by the world.. but your heart feels it all.
In my 4-month wander across the British Isles, I ate at one restaurant… One! I lived the rest of the time on bread, cheese and apples. My life was a penny-pinching, bag-saving, guilt-haunted mess!
I learned at a young age how to conserve everything. My family taught honest hard labor and a strong work ethic. We grew our food and packed our water from a well to the house. I knew how to conserve water better than a camel! Was this good? Of course! But what I was never taught was how to balance the hard work with the permission to relax and enjoy life.
I recall a trip I took one summer in my teens when I was invited with a family to go camping for a week. We loaded up, drove to a lake, set up camp—and then everyone pulled out a book and settled down to read for the afternoon. I was left pacing the beach, wondering what to do. I had never been on a trip that wasn’t racing to learn, do, go!
Learning to accept rest, pleasures, and a hot cup of tea is a novelty I still struggled to remember. Then I discovered scheduled leisure!
Scheduled Rituals for Peace
In choosing to leave an abusive relationship, I became a single mother to a very active child. The rest and relaxation would be nonexistent if I didn’t actively schedule times and days to sit down and do something just for the enjoyment of it. There are always dishes, laundry, cleaning, and playing when you have a 3-year-old!
But despite this, I found ways to incorporate little moments to just breathe and enjoy life. My favorites are:
Morning tea time
Walks
Bedtime stories
Each of these became small rituals, little structured moments that I could cling and count on to when my life felt on the brink of disaster.
Tea Time
Every morning, we get up and make tea together. We pick a favorite (go splurge on some fancy specialty kind!), savoring the smell as we wait for the kettle’s whistle. A splash of cream and honey makes for a most delicious tea! And then we just sit and sip and visit. I love the connection this builds with my child, and it centers me for the day ahead. For 10 minutes I am right where I need to be and nothing can get in the way of my tea time!
Walking
My daughter loves walks! They may be short or long. Slow or fast. What matters is that we go! And I have learned to also enjoy them. It gives a break from the pressures at home, a tiny respite to watch the clouds go by as you saunter along. I find the rhythm soothing. I can relax and tune out the internal dialogue. My daughter finds “treasures” of broken mirrors, baling strings, and flowers! It brings a second moment to pause and just be present in the moment. There is no need to hurry as we have set this time aside together and for the next however long everything else is on hold.
Bedtime Stories
And lastly, bedtime stories. I think everyone—young and old alike—should read bedtime stories! Fairytales provide lessons and show success. They instill that hope of something greater that gives us each a reason to keep fighting! (G. K. Chesterton has a most excellent writing on this subject.) So no matter how the day went, when bedtime comes around there is a stack of books taking up half the bed.
We snuggle down and adventure through magical lands where things do work out in the end. From “Frog and Toad” to “Beauty and the Beast”, this is a moment in time where we are transported to another dimension. The worldly cares fall away, and we have permission to dream of fairytale joys!
It is in these stories we find the courage to face the dragons of the world. We can be hero’s in our own stories and we can practice in our dreams all we hope for in our lives.
Tea Tip
You have every right to take 5 minutes out of your day to sit down and read a good book. Have you had a hard day? Then get a treat, find a park bench, and enjoy the birds!
Each day is a fleeting moment in the grand scheme. Remember to reward yourself for the hard work you do. The everyday battle goes unseen by the world, but your heart feels it all. And that in itself is a good reason to give it a rest from the pain—and make a hot cup of tea!
Final Thoughts
So there you have it—my 3 tips after one year of becoming more confidant myself:
Fashion: Dress your dream and confidence will follow.
Decisions: Trust the absolute yes.
Living: Schedule pleasure and give yourself permission to rest.
You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to fix the whole world. This is just the beginning— and roots take time to grow!
Authenticity is found in the steady steps through the storm.
I was scribbling down my thoughts around living authentically when suddenly the question came up: “Why should I be authentic?” I mean, is it really worth the effort? There is a lot of hype all over the internet these days about individuality and being true to yourself. But is it worth the transformation?
And my immediate reply is: Yes!!! Yes, it is! It’s hard, painful, and confusing. Some days it really sucks—but look at your life right now. You already have these issues!
The hard truth of life is this: no matter how you live, someone will judge, criticize, or shun you. So accept it—and go live your best life!
You wake up every day fighting to belong. School demands conformity. Families judge you for deciding to quit your “amazing” job. Or perhaps you struggle like I did, with fear of rejection? Or people pleasing? I used to be the best doormat you ever did see (I should write about that one day). And what did it get me? A whole hell of a lot more problems. But it also fueled my authenticity journey!
That brings us to a key question:
What’s Driving Your Authenticity Journey?
For me, the motivation came through filing for divorce. I had to step into the role of a single, working mother and could no longer cower at home, being a doormat. I had to step out of my comfort zone, take initiative, and fight for the well-being of myself and my child.
This has been one of the hardest years in my life: learning to stand my ground and hold healthy boundaries. I have had to face parts of myself that are not pretty. I have had to say no to people I loved.
Some days, I wake up and it’s only my mothering skills that get me out of bed to feed my child. But that’s enough. I don’t have to be perfect.
From this struggle blossomed a desire to heal and become fully who I wanted to be. What started as a fight to prove I could survive grew into a love for the person I truly was beneath the mask. I was done living by the whims of the world—I was going to become the Granny Willow I had always dreamed of!
So now I’ll ask you: Why do you want to be authentic?
Take a moment. Really mull it over. Because unless you know your why, you keep finding ways to procrastinate, delay, or talk yourself out of it.
If you’re reading this, chances are—you’ve already started the journey. That in itself is a win. (And if you ask me, this deserves chocolate!)
So now what?
Here’s what it looks like for me.
Each day, I wake up and choose to keep being authentic—and it’s the small things that make a big difference. I can’t hurry the courts, abandon my child, or give in to demands that drag me down. But I can get dressed, sip tea, and watch my child play in the sunshine.
Some days, it feels like my miserable life is dragging me around by the toenails. I barely make it to the market. And then — I see it. A flower growing from the crack in the sidewalk. And suddenly, I remember: I’m still here. I’m still growing. And even if its all concrete I don’t have to be!
Other days, I float. Everything fits. There’s a bird singing when I wake. The sunlight hits the table just right. My daughter is an angel, and life feels possible again.
I find something tiny to be grateful for. I remind myself I can take five minutes to decide yes or no, and I can say NO. I choose to wear the wild earrings! I decide not to smile… And I laugh at the worst jokes.
These little acts are more than just coping mechanisms—they’re rituals of resilience.
Through these small sparks of joy, I’m gaining the momentum to reach higher and go further toward my goals. They are my foundation in an ever-shifting world. Each day I planting a few seeds, pull a few weeds and wait for the storms to blow over.
I have a lot to learn and many lessons to keep learn. But, each day I find small ways to live true to myself and like Granny Willow, I’m learning that authenticity grows slowly—like roots beneath the soil. Every act of living authentically waters those roots till someday our saplings will become a mighty tree.
