I am not sure when I first met Death… I have known them as long as I can recall.
Growing up in a rural town, making a living off the land, we took life in order to live. My father hunted elk for meat, and we butchered chickens, cows, and pigs.
I also had a soft spot for animals of every shape and size. Many times I raised a wounded or lost creature… a goldfinch, Pip Squeak the mouse, Apple Jack a jackrabbit… Not many lived more than a year.
Funerals of friends and relatives were common as well. Our town only had 200, so we knew everyone, and everyone felt like family. Many “adopted” grandparents blessed my life and taught me resilience, gardening, and how to really live!
Loss, Love and Lessons
I think the first time Death made a proper introduction to me was when I was 11, in a car accident. We lost a close friend who was more a sister than friend. She was just 3 years older than me. In the years that came after, I always kept a list of wishes if I died. Every journal I have has a page of Death.
I recall a moment in time I was visiting with a lady… Oh, I must have been in my teens and she in her 40s. I brought up Death as an old friend whom I knew and all the things I would do when they came for me. This lady’s reply to such idle chat was, “I never think about dying!” She seemed quite horrified that, for me, Death was normal.
But Death is normal.
It’s as normal as birth (which is curiously now an emergency to the general public, not an everyday occurrence—and the means by which every single human is waltzing around this planet right now).
It is true, Death should not be made an evil thing. It is also a bringer of peace. A giver of life. It supports each of us every day.
Death as a Friend Not an Acquaintance
Death came to visit last week—not in that I nearly died, but in that I saw my mortality made clear once more. A gentle reminder to live each moment to the fullest, most glorious enjoyment. I am grateful when I have these reminders. They keep me on my toes and give me a fresh breath of life to see the world.
I sat with Death for the few days they were with me. Reliving old tales of glory, watching my child dance in the rain, and savoring my tea.
A Visit Over Tea
The honor of visiting with Death is… like with a good friend, not all pleasant. There is the weight and desperation that comes knowing you really would rather stick around. Live just one more day.
But there is also peace. Acceptance. The knowing that I have lived, grown, and learned much. And that, when the time comes, I will be ready… even eager to pack my bag and take a trip!
It would be nice to get a fresh start! Rather like the Earth after a refreshing shower!!!
And when the time comes and Death picks up their luggage and steps out my door, I smile and wave. Death is my friend. They came to see me, as friends are wont. And we had a good chat over tea.
Peace, Acceptance, and Gratitude
Now, as I watch them walk away, I am grateful—for the lessons, for the clarity, for the friendship I have with Death. After all, who else can you rely on to be there for you, no matter what or where?
I breathe deep and steep in the calm of knowing that life and death are not enemies, but companions on the same journey. I am here, fully alive, and I trust that when my time comes, I will meet Death as an old friend—with peace, curiosity, and a quiet cackle.
I watch the golden sun rise from its nightly grave—a reflection of all things: beginnings and endings, life and death, light and shadow. In this endless cycle, I find serenity, joy, and profound gratitude. Today, I will live. Today, I am ready to arise once more.
From darkness sprung to light returned. Yet light was never known before, for light was night and dark the grave. So now, in rising from the grave, I find the dawn has burst its golden rays across my world, and all I once knew is not as I had known.
The shadows haunting depths are naught but richer places for light to seek. The once morose and somber grove now spreads its emerald limbs in welcoming, cool, mossy glades where golden beams dance like fireflies.
I see colors that now transfix my frantic eyes in hues of rainbow light. They pain my eyes, which once knew only the dark of night — the blue of shadows cast by cold bright stars and waning moon.
Ah, the moon… What tender glances once you cast to guide my weary feet. Your constant ebb and flow lit in silver shades the foggy path through wasted lands. Forget me not, yet let me go to lands of light!
Let darkness of our past and ache of of grieving dreams remind us ever of the light we now embrace! May we accept the light as fully as we did the night, each moment filled to brilliant height, where endless dance the golden songs and fair the hands that lead us on.
Granny Willow’s reflections on the rare INFJ personality type
Why ever was I “blessed” with this MBTI type? Every so often, I wonder if being “blessed” with the INFJ personality type was actually a cosmic jest of the universe.
Yes, being an INFJ has its perks — deep insight, intuition, empathy —but there are days I swear it has more cons. Days I wish I could just be and not dissect every person’s motives, question every action, or replay every conversation I’ve had in the last 10 years.
INFJ’s are walking contradictions.
Ask me my opinion on nearly anything, and I’ll have a firm, confident answer—followed by a philosophical ramble about how there’s no “right” answer and how it depends on the situation.
My self-esteem hides somewhere in the basement — yes, I’m working on the stairs up — and yet I’m often annoyed that no one else in the world is as competent or insightful as me (though you’d never catch me saying that out loud).
I demand order, structure, and consistency. But don’t you dare try to run my life or make me follow a plan. I must have my tea, or the world will end. And then, tomorrow, I’ll be off on an overnight trip because of something I read in a book…
Pessimistic optimism. That fits too. No matter the weather, I’ll find a reason to complain — unless you start complaining, in which case I’ll suddenly find the day absolutely perfect.
Then there’s the boundary conundrum. I will defend my friend with every last ounce of spirit. But when I’m the one being stomped into the mud and used as a doormat, I go quiet and let it happen—willingly, against all reason.
Leadership? No thank you — unless no one else steps up or it becomes my duty. Then get out of the way, because now we’re going places. We INFJs will lead with strength, kindness, and valor… until someone else wants the job. Then I’ll gladly retreat back to the corner.
So where does this lead?
Maybe being an INFJ means never quite fitting into the world — but still feeling responsible for fixing it. Walking the line between friend and hermit. Quietly leading from the vanguard. A childlike nature with ancient wisdom.
Maybe there’s meaning in our duality. Everything in nature has two sides: sun and rain, night and day, life and death. But very few things are both at once.
Maybe we are an exception.
Is it a Blessing? Or a Jest of the Universe?
Why does clarity often come tangled with confusion? How can one be so sure, yet so uncertain at the same time? Is knowing every detail a gift—or a burden? When does strength become stubbornness, and kindness turn to retreat? If we lead quietly, does it mean we’re less powerful? How can someone both fit nowhere and belong everywhere? Is the INFJ a gem or a flaw?
I think I will leave these for you to ponder over your next cup of tea.
For now, I’ll keep sipping my tea, plotting quiet revolutions in floral notebooks, and confusing everyone — including myself. And maybe, just maybe this is exactly where I’m meant to be—somewhere in the beautifully confusing in-between being authentic to my personal chaos.
Within a year of starting life anew, I found three things that really helped to boost my confidence, set me apart, and open my heart to new possibilities. My life had been carefully guided by strict rules, most of which were unspoken—how I dressed, what I could believe, and how I should behave. Living within this box, I could not see it as a box. It was the safe and proper place to be, and to go outside was to lose my soul to the devil.
So without further ado, here are the top 3 tips I have after one year into my new life. And if you are divergent like me, I am sure you will find something that speaks to you!
Wool is my magic!
Fashion
We’ve all heard of “power dressing” or using colors to promote ourselves at a job interview. There are endless studies, analyses, and courses around fashion and clothing. I have done a deep dive into this wild realm myself, and what did I learn?
I found that my Kibbe or Kitchener types were stifling my creativity. Color analysis was interesting, but I fit into several seasons! I began to explore outside their recommendations, taking with me ideas and suggestions. And this is what it distilled down to:
Find 3 words you want to be / what your ideal image of yourself looks like. Go big! Go wild! Really stretch your dreams here!
Try things way out of your comfort zone: Yes, WAY out there!!!
Find a style that supports your authenticity and what you feel best in. The go-to’s. The always-yes’s!
These three simple steps were a life-changer!
Magic 3 Words!
I spent many hours pondering over and imagining what my dream self looked like until the strong, classy, ethereal, wise, timeless woman I saw was perfect! From this image I picked my magic 3 words: timeless, comfortable, expressive. Of course, these are ever-changing and improving as I learn more about myself but these gave me a starting point.
Breaking the Comfort Zone
The second step was the explorative phase. Growing up, I only wore skirts and long sleeves, but I had a desire for fashion even then. In my attempts to rebel, I lived in floral boho skirts, striped/checked shirts, and the brightest colors I could get my hands on. I mortified my sister as I paraded through town in this foppery.
So, as I searched for the new me, I looked to the things I had never dared think to wear: skinny jeans, shorts, tank tops, modern styles. I found free, yard sale, and thrifted clothes in every style and texture. Did I look silly? Definitely! Was I uncomfortable? Occasionally! But I learned so much.
Honing My Style
As I went through new styles, I noted the items I returned to on a daily basis and incorporated my words to tune into what I was seeking. The dress—I loved the fit but hated the texture. The shirt—so comfy but not timeless. And the pants I could wear all day any day! Give yourself permission to be picky! You only like linen? Great, only wear linen. I honed in on my style this way and created a closet that matched my dream. And why is this so important?
I found a secret: If I was wearing something that matched my magic words, was the right material and fit, I felt like that amazing woman I saw in my imagination! It took time, trial, and error. But now I have a closet that’s got my back (pun intended). Each morning I look forward to getting dressed—and that creates a boost of motivation and confidence every day.
Tea Tip
You have the freedom to wear what uplifts your spirit and brings your dreams to life. Because what you wear changes how confident you feel, and how confident you are changes how comfortable you are being authentic—and how authentic you are brings your dreams into reality! (More on authenticity here!)
If you have to talk yourself into it, it’s a no.
The Absolute YES
If it’s not an absolute yes, don’t do it.
That’s it. A very simple idea…
Take a moment right now and think of one time when you said yes to something. And that yes was all in. Every ounce of you was like YES—there were no hesitations, no qualms… got it? That is an absolute yes.
Of course, we have work, school, and lives that require a certain amount of tenacity and effort. But with the rule of absolute yes, making the small decisions on your path is so much clearer! If there are any reservations or hesitations—it’s a no.
Buy the car? Well, the mileage is not the best… NO. Should you make the trip? ummmm…. No.
Friend wants me over for dinner… I’m tired but I should probably go… No!
The what-ifs may follow, but trusting that absolute will bring rewards. And remember no matter your decision there are always what-ifs!
This lesson was really a twist on learning to say no. Learning to say no strengthens your trust in yourself and creates boundaries to keep you healthy. But saying no is hard… Only saying yes to the things that are fully and truly yes is a tad easier.
Tea Tip
When you live honoring the closeness and uncertainty of life, you begin to realize that there is a limit to the years. Why spend those on things you would rather not be doing? How many years have we worked away dreaming of the future—until that future comes and we look back and see a life wasted away wishing we had done something else, gone on that trip, or accepted the crazy job opportunity?
Let’s not get to granny age and regret our choices. Trust the absolute yes! Trust yourself to tell you what is right! Accept the changes and grow with the storms!
Give Yourself Permission to Enjoy Life
The battle goes unseen by the world.. but your heart feels it all.
In my 4-month wander across the British Isles, I ate at one restaurant… One! I lived the rest of the time on bread, cheese and apples. My life was a penny-pinching, bag-saving, guilt-haunted mess!
I learned at a young age how to conserve everything. My family taught honest hard labor and a strong work ethic. We grew our food and packed our water from a well to the house. I knew how to conserve water better than a camel! Was this good? Of course! But what I was never taught was how to balance the hard work with the permission to relax and enjoy life.
I recall a trip I took one summer in my teens when I was invited with a family to go camping for a week. We loaded up, drove to a lake, set up camp—and then everyone pulled out a book and settled down to read for the afternoon. I was left pacing the beach, wondering what to do. I had never been on a trip that wasn’t racing to learn, do, go!
Learning to accept rest, pleasures, and a hot cup of tea is a novelty I still struggled to remember. Then I discovered scheduled leisure!
Scheduled Rituals for Peace
In choosing to leave an abusive relationship, I became a single mother to a very active child. The rest and relaxation would be nonexistent if I didn’t actively schedule times and days to sit down and do something just for the enjoyment of it. There are always dishes, laundry, cleaning, and playing when you have a 3-year-old!
But despite this, I found ways to incorporate little moments to just breathe and enjoy life. My favorites are:
Morning tea time
Walks
Bedtime stories
Each of these became small rituals, little structured moments that I could cling and count on to when my life felt on the brink of disaster.
Tea Time
Every morning, we get up and make tea together. We pick a favorite (go splurge on some fancy specialty kind!), savoring the smell as we wait for the kettle’s whistle. A splash of cream and honey makes for a most delicious tea! And then we just sit and sip and visit. I love the connection this builds with my child, and it centers me for the day ahead. For 10 minutes I am right where I need to be and nothing can get in the way of my tea time!
Walking
My daughter loves walks! They may be short or long. Slow or fast. What matters is that we go! And I have learned to also enjoy them. It gives a break from the pressures at home, a tiny respite to watch the clouds go by as you saunter along. I find the rhythm soothing. I can relax and tune out the internal dialogue. My daughter finds “treasures” of broken mirrors, baling strings, and flowers! It brings a second moment to pause and just be present in the moment. There is no need to hurry as we have set this time aside together and for the next however long everything else is on hold.
Bedtime Stories
And lastly, bedtime stories. I think everyone—young and old alike—should read bedtime stories! Fairytales provide lessons and show success. They instill that hope of something greater that gives us each a reason to keep fighting! (G. K. Chesterton has a most excellent writing on this subject.) So no matter how the day went, when bedtime comes around there is a stack of books taking up half the bed.
We snuggle down and adventure through magical lands where things do work out in the end. From “Frog and Toad” to “Beauty and the Beast”, this is a moment in time where we are transported to another dimension. The worldly cares fall away, and we have permission to dream of fairytale joys!
It is in these stories we find the courage to face the dragons of the world. We can be hero’s in our own stories and we can practice in our dreams all we hope for in our lives.
Tea Tip
You have every right to take 5 minutes out of your day to sit down and read a good book. Have you had a hard day? Then get a treat, find a park bench, and enjoy the birds!
Each day is a fleeting moment in the grand scheme. Remember to reward yourself for the hard work you do. The everyday battle goes unseen by the world, but your heart feels it all. And that in itself is a good reason to give it a rest from the pain—and make a hot cup of tea!
Final Thoughts
So there you have it—my 3 tips after one year of becoming more confidant myself:
Fashion: Dress your dream and confidence will follow.
Decisions: Trust the absolute yes.
Living: Schedule pleasure and give yourself permission to rest.
You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to fix the whole world. This is just the beginning— and roots take time to grow!
Authenticity is found in the steady steps through the storm.
I was scribbling down my thoughts around living authentically when suddenly the question came up: “Why should I be authentic?” I mean, is it really worth the effort? There is a lot of hype all over the internet these days about individuality and being true to yourself. But is it worth the transformation?
And my immediate reply is: Yes!!! Yes, it is! It’s hard, painful, and confusing. Some days it really sucks—but look at your life right now. You already have these issues!
The hard truth of life is this: no matter how you live, someone will judge, criticize, or shun you. So accept it—and go live your best life!
You wake up every day fighting to belong. School demands conformity. Families judge you for deciding to quit your “amazing” job. Or perhaps you struggle like I did, with fear of rejection? Or people pleasing? I used to be the best doormat you ever did see (I should write about that one day). And what did it get me? A whole hell of a lot more problems. But it also fueled my authenticity journey!
That brings us to a key question:
What’s Driving Your Authenticity Journey?
For me, the motivation came through filing for divorce. I had to step into the role of a single, working mother and could no longer cower at home, being a doormat. I had to step out of my comfort zone, take initiative, and fight for the well-being of myself and my child.
This has been one of the hardest years in my life: learning to stand my ground and hold healthy boundaries. I have had to face parts of myself that are not pretty. I have had to say no to people I loved.
Some days, I wake up and it’s only my mothering skills that get me out of bed to feed my child. But that’s enough. I don’t have to be perfect.
From this struggle blossomed a desire to heal and become fully who I wanted to be. What started as a fight to prove I could survive grew into a love for the person I truly was beneath the mask. I was done living by the whims of the world—I was going to become the Granny Willow I had always dreamed of!
So now I’ll ask you: Why do you want to be authentic?
Take a moment. Really mull it over. Because unless you know your why, you keep finding ways to procrastinate, delay, or talk yourself out of it.
If you’re reading this, chances are—you’ve already started the journey. That in itself is a win. (And if you ask me, this deserves chocolate!)
So now what?
Here’s what it looks like for me.
Each day, I wake up and choose to keep being authentic—and it’s the small things that make a big difference. I can’t hurry the courts, abandon my child, or give in to demands that drag me down. But I can get dressed, sip tea, and watch my child play in the sunshine.
Some days, it feels like my miserable life is dragging me around by the toenails. I barely make it to the market. And then — I see it. A flower growing from the crack in the sidewalk. And suddenly, I remember: I’m still here. I’m still growing. And even if its all concrete I don’t have to be!
Other days, I float. Everything fits. There’s a bird singing when I wake. The sunlight hits the table just right. My daughter is an angel, and life feels possible again.
I find something tiny to be grateful for. I remind myself I can take five minutes to decide yes or no, and I can say NO. I choose to wear the wild earrings! I decide not to smile… And I laugh at the worst jokes.
These little acts are more than just coping mechanisms—they’re rituals of resilience.
Through these small sparks of joy, I’m gaining the momentum to reach higher and go further toward my goals. They are my foundation in an ever-shifting world. Each day I planting a few seeds, pull a few weeds and wait for the storms to blow over.
I have a lot to learn and many lessons to keep learn. But, each day I find small ways to live true to myself and like Granny Willow, I’m learning that authenticity grows slowly—like roots beneath the soil. Every act of living authentically waters those roots till someday our saplings will become a mighty tree.
Who is Granny Willow? She is me… well not quite yet.
She is the woman I am striving to become!
Now you wonder “why ever would you want to be an old lady? You have so many years ahead of you before you have to be old. What is there to look forward to in a decrepit body?”
These are valid questions. But it’s not about being old — it’s about embodying the way grannies take on the world: their quiet freedom from others’ opinions, their tender love for all of creation, and their deep, unwavering trust in themselves.
Grannies come in many shapes and sizes! They wear the wildest combination of flamboyant art like a runway model. Unashamedly announcing themselves to the world.
You will find them in in the store “wasting” your precious seconds as they carefully select the perfect apples. She is in no hurry and enjoys each moment knowing it may be her last apple. You will meet them at the bus station and by the time the bus rattles up to your stop you know more about this quaint lady than your best friend’s mother.
Grannies are not afraid to bare their soul to the world and in doing so they brighten your life with sparks of wisdom.
The war against authenticity!
Each day flows into the next—a mad rush to catch up with endless work, pay the bills, and chase some ever-distant idea of success.
Suddenly an old granny catches you by the elbow and insists you come in for a “quick” chat. Her age demands respect and despite the 152 pressing items on your list you find yourself lounging in her garden with a glass of fresh lemonade.
For the next hour you are trapped enjoying the sunshine. Repressing the panic of needing to get home to finish your list before collapsing into bed. Only once freed of her charm do you notice the yearning to be back in her garden where you were free to relax and just be…
That hour lingers in your memory—not because of what you missed, but because of what you found.
The quiet reassurance that life is on your side. That though you may feel like you’re fighting to stay afloat, the seasons always change. Night always gives way to morning. And somehow, life carries on.
Life lessons from Granny
Granny knows each second that passes is bringing her closer to her death. She walks hand in hand with death and has learned to cherish each fleeting second. Her twinkling eyes have seen a lifetime of pain and struggles.
Time and time again, she struggled from the ashes of her hopes—bruised elbows, scraped knees, and a heart shaped by birth, death, and betrayal. She has been through it all, and she knows that she did her best.
She learned the secret of living life to the fullest it to trust your heart and the rhythms of the earth.
Despite what the world thinks. Despite what folks say. Despite the rumors whispered about the old witch at the end of the lane… Grannies light up the world simply by living authentically—moment by moment.
Don’t wait to be authentic!
Sooooo… why not live like a granny today? Build your dream, sing your song, wear that purple bonnet with red roses, pull out your fine China on Wednesday! Why save your joy for tomorrow if tomorrow may never come?
Getting old is not all glamour and ease, so isn’t that all the more reason to change our mindset now? What if we let go of the world’s need to fake a perfect life, and instead embraced our authenticity?
No one told you not to wear polka dotted kerchiefs! (And if they did, they are wrong).
Remember, living authentically isn’t some privilege reserved for the old, it is a beautiful choice we can decide each day.
And that, my dear reader, is who Granny Willow is!
